My father was really angry. “Why are you looking through the profiles on the Transsexual dating site iDateTranssexual?” he demanded. “I thought we’d agreed that you are not a Trans woman and that you will see the doctor?”
I just looked down at my computer keyboard and said nothing. I was more upset that my father had walked up behind me without me realizing it than his anger.
That incident happened just over two years ago when I was about 18 and I’m happy to say things have come full circle. Both my mother and father now accept that I am Transgender and have to live my life as a female. Otherwise, I could hardly live at all.
After I had explained in detail about being Transsexual and that it is unchangeable, we came to a compromise. In return for me studying harder than ever and getting a good degree, they would support me emotionally and financially. They would not necessarily encourage me to be a Transsexual woman as they wanted to be sure it was not a phase. But, as I explained to my mother, it could hardly be a phase when I’ve been dressing as a female in secret for as long as I can remember.
My mother only knows about the times that she caught me. Once she came into my bedroom to say goodnight and tuck me into bed only to find that I was wearing my sister’s nightdress. Underneath I had a pair of white panties and black stockings. I didn’t know why but I just liked the feeling of the nylon on my skin. She asked me at that time if I was gay but I said no as never considered myself gay. Men didn’t really appeal to me and the thought of a sexual encounter with a male was not in my mind.
The other time she caught me was more problematic and was the first time my father asked the question, “Are you Transsexual or something?” I hadn’t really heard the word before but took a good guess at its meaning. My parents had been out of state for a New Year’s party and had said they’d return later that evening. I’d spent the day alone. Naturally, I’d enjoyed myself dressing up as a girl, even going as far as wearing make-up. I’d also managed to get hold of a pair of silicone breast forms and so my figure looked great, and my overall appearance very feminine. I felt so confident in my abilities to pass as a young woman I think I spent most of the day in a state of euphoria. Transsexual or not, I knew I loved dressing up in women’s clothes.
Somehow, I’d resisted the temptation to go out to the local shops and was downstairs looking at my eyebrows in the mirror when I thought a heard a car in our driveway. I quickly looked at my watch but thought it far too early for my parents to return so just carried on. It was when the front door opened that I knew I was in trouble.
I broke into an immediate sweat and my stomach flipped at least three times. “Oh my god, they’re back!”
The first instinct was to run and hide. The second was to head for the bathroom and lock the door until I could clean up the change back. All this happened in a millisecond so you don’t really have time to think. I couldn’t use the staircase as it would have meant running past my parents. My brain wouldn’t function and I felt like the proverbial rabbit or deer “in the headlights”. For some reason, I tried to take off the clothes I was wearing. But this clearly was not going to work. By the time my parents entered the living room I was standing there in a bra and panties, still made-up and with my sister’s skirt and top lying on the floor alongside me.
My mother was much calmer, my father just plain angry. “I think we need to talk. Go and get changed and be back down here in 5 minutes,” he ordered.
I guess almost all Transsexuals go through something similar and I can tell you it was not a nice experience or an enjoyable part of my life. You feel you are letting yourself and your family down but, believe, me if you are Transgender you are Transgender. Nothing you can do can change the fact.
It took years before my parents could accept that I am Transsexual and it wasn’t until I had breast implants that I think my mother realized that I am her daughter now. I’m having my gender confirmation surgery in about two months and, even my father agrees that I am much happier and content now. He said to me only last week: “I might have lost a son, but I have gained a beautiful daughter.”
And, what’s more, this New Year he encouraged me to look at the profiles on Transsexual dating site iDateTranssexual as thinks that finding a nice genuine man to date will make my life complete!