It was a friend who introduced me to the Transgender dating site IDateTranssexual after I’d had a bad experience in a club with a man who had been chatting to me. Suffice to say, when he found out I was Trans, his attitude changed and he got quite upset. He called me all sorts of unpleasant names and then stormed off.
In some ways, that was a blessing as it gave me the chance to take stock of my life and, as I said, join a dating site especially for T-girls.
My name is Joy and I’m a post-op Transgender woman, often called a T-girl or similar, living on the west coast of Canada. I have a good job and good qualifications and will soon start night school again to further my education. Yet, being a woman, albeit Trans, I have emotional and physical needs which only a man can fulfil ????. In fact, ever since I was young and realised I was female, it has always been my plan to meet a nice man and get married. Or, at least enjoy a long-term relationship with someone who genuine loves me for how I am.
But the truth is that to achieve my dreams is not quite so easy as it sounds. The example I gave at the beginning of this article is rather typical of the attitude of men here in Canada.
Yet, within days of joining IDateTranssexual, I had more replies to my profile than I could have imagined. In fact, I was almost overwhelmed that there were so many men out there keen to find and date a Trans woman. I took my time and replied to each and every one who wrote to me, carefully checking that they were genuine and not Tranny chasers or the like. I’m so tired of men who are more interested in the contents of my underwear than me.
But I needn’t have worried. All of the men who contacted me already, of course, knew about my Trans status and were comfortable with that. The vast majority also know what it means to be Transgender and there were no silly questions asking me if it is a lifestyle choice or if I have a fetish for dressing in women’s clothes. I didn’t even have anyone asking if I’d like to meet up for a quick sex session. Unfortunately, this is what you usually get asked when you meet a man who is not genuine.
Just like when a hetero man dates a genetic woman, some people you meet are not compatible. It may be that your likes don’t correspond or you have nothing in common. It may be that you don’t find the other person physically attractive or they don’t find you to their taste. But even if you seem attracted to each other, then you still need the magical ingredient of “chemistry”. If there is no “spark between you then a relationship is not going to work.
Luckily for me, after several weeks of chatting and being in touch, I narrowed down the men I liked the most to two. With two in reserve. One was a foreign man called Andrew already living in Canada but shortly due to go back to England after his assignment with one of the NGO’s based in Vancouver finished. He was well familiar with Transgender women and I suspect he had dated other Trans women before we met. That was not a problem to me as, same as regular dating, you need to keep trying until you find your perfect match! We dated twice and there was definitely good rapport between us. He was very sweet and bought me small gifts both times we met.
The second man was called Johnny and was from the southern US, somewhere in Texas he said. He had travelled all across Canada before, albeit many years ago in the 1980’s. I think he worked for the US Government before changing jobs but he was a bit vague about what he did when in the country. That apart, he was also a very nice man and had, clearly, done his homework about Trans women. He knew all about our emotional states and the challenges we face from our families and society in general when growing up.
Finally, after months of chatting and finding out as much as I could about these two men, I was leaning towards Andrew as I had at least met him. Johnny just couldn’t quite same to make the time to get to Canada meet up.
But, Andrew’s date to leave Canada was suddenly brought forward and he had to leave Vancouver a month earlier than planned. I was in tears at the airport as I went to see him off. Here was then man I’d got to know really well over the last few months and who had treated me very much as the woman I am. Now he was about to leave me. The more I thought about it the more I cried.
I could see Andrew was very upset too and, after we had stood holding each other in a deep embrace for a full ten minutes, he took a step away from me. He put his hands on my shoulders. “Joy, will you come and live in England with me?” he asked. “I have worked out that it might take about six months to get you a visa, if you can wait.”
I looked deep into his eyes, nodded my head, and cried even more. This time with happiness.
That was nearly three years ago and we have been living just outside London for the last two. And hardly a day goes by without me giving thanks to IDateTranssexual for bringing us together!