I exited the iDateTranssexual website and turned off my i-pad. It had been a very busy day and I quickly cleaned my teeth and jumped into bed. Images of the profiles of the men I had been looking at and of other Transsexual women flashed through my head as I began to drift off to sleep.
Hmm…, wonder why there are so many men from the US looking for Transsexual women to date, was the last thing I thought before I turned on to my side. I snuggled into my pillow—and promptly fell sound asleep.
It may have been two or three hours after I’d fallen asleep, but sometime during the night I became aware that I was having quite mixed-up dreams. That’s not all that unusual for me but this series of dreams was particularly vivid. It started when I heard a voice asking me: “Are you a Transsexual woman? Are you looking for good, handsome, kind man to date?”
As always with my dreams, things, people and events seem to blur into each other. I was about to answer the above question by saying: “Yes, I am a Transsexual woman. I have known that I was not like other males since I was young…”
But, suddenly, the images in my dream switched. I was back to looking at the iDateTranssexual site and skimming through the profiles of other T-girls.
“I know her,” I thought, seeing the name Rosalind and a photo flash through my dream. “I think I went to school with her in California.”
In my dream, Rosalind was asking me: “Katie, have you found a man to date yet? You always said you were going to wait until you had full gender reassignment surgery, remember? Have you had all the surgeries yet?”
I was aware of trying to answer Rosalind but my “Yes, that’s right I’ve had all the surgeries.” sounded like a muffled “Yup…, I’ve…..” and my answer tailed off. Then Rosalind disappeared and my parents came into my dream.
My father was scolding me: “Why do you like to dress up as a girl? Why do you insist on wearing women’s clothing when I’ve told you not to?”
I looked at my mother for help and I could see in her face that she supported me but didn’t want to argue with my father. “Because I am a female,” I managed to reply. “I’m a Transsexual woman who might have a body with some male characteristics, but who is mentally and emotionally a female.” My father seemed to fade away and my mother had her arm around me. “It’s alright Katie, we’ll get it all sorted out for you. Just keep studying hard and I promise we’ll help you be the woman you really are.”
My mind was racing and events in my dream were moving at 100 miles per hour. One moment I was struggling to get out of the female clothes I was wearing as had a foreboding my father had returned home. The next minute, I was walking along a road, as if walking on air. I was wearing a lovely summer dress which the light wind made swish around my legs. I could feel my breasts moving slightly in front of me as I walked. I could feel the thrill of being out and about as a woman. I wanted to shout: “I am a Transsexual woman and I don’t care who knows it!”
I think I almost woke up with the euphoria I was feeling, but I only stirred momentarily and fell back into my dream.
Now I was in a hospital. I was aware of the pressure and some pain across my chest area. I think I must have sub-consciously touched my breasts as I slept, as I was aware of something rubbing gently across my nipples. Maybe it was a recall of what I did when I first woke up after breast implant surgery. But whatever it was, I know I felt comfortable and content even though I still slept.
The next image was me trying to get out of bed with a nurse by my side. Helping me gingerly put my foot down on the cold floor. Feeling the initial pain shooting up into my groin area. They always say the first pain after genital surgery is the worst and I can vouch for that! It hurt a lot, even in my dream.
Yet, this image quickly passed and I was soon dreaming of some of the men who had been in touch with me through the iDateTranssexual site. All of them had been very nice and understanding and I was building a great rapport with two or three of them. They all seemed genuine and keen to date a Transsexual woman. For me it was only a question of which man was right for me. You know how it is, you can have boyfriends who are 70-80% of what you want in a man, but I was hanging on for someone who met at least 90% of my expectations. And I was sure I would find him soon.
It’s funny how the mind works, especially when you are sleeping. The last image I can recall from my dream was walking down the aisle in a beautiful wedding dress with a man by my side. He turned to me and said “I love you. I’ve always wanted to marry a Transsexual womanl.”
The only thing, apart from the fact this was a dream, was that I couldn’t see his face…. So, I don’t know which of the men I had been chatting with I was likely to marry!