Starting a relationship with a Transgender is not really any different than with anyone else. As someone who has dated trans people, I can tell you the same courtesies and respect apply as with someone who is not transgender. That said, there are some differences when you look a little bit closer. Many of these differences can vary from person to person.
If you want to date a trans woman (MTF) her preferences can range from what kind of man she is looking to date, what her hobbies and interests are, what she likes in bed, what her personal views of the world are, and can be different from one trans woman to another. In a nutshell, you should never take anything for granted.
Because there are things that are universal among trans people, it’s strongly suggested you familiarize yourself with different things before starting to date a transgender.
If a trans person looks at you and roll their eyes or just ignores you, you probably didn’t bother taking a few minutes researching on Google. They now feel they have to explain everything to you.
If you think you know everything from listening to popular media sites, you are in for a rude awakening. It’s only natural not knowing everything when this is a new world for you. The best suggestion, stay away from adult films and news media that do not know what they are talking about because they are usually really bad sources for information.
When you perform valuable research on Google and Wikipedia, you will learn how the human brain reacts vs reactions below the belt. Most trans people are not here to educate you when you are out on a date. They are looking to date you, not send you through school. You should concentrate on resources that are objective and not politically correct on one side of the topic or the other.
Just like all people, it’s is really important not to assume anything when dating trans people. From the beginning, know what they want to be addressed by, she, her, him, or he, if you are in doubt. You want to ensure they are comfortable before you move on to a physical relationship. Many trans people have a deep-rooted discomfort with their body parts which is known as body dysphoria. This discomfort goes well beyond whether they like a particular part of their body or not. It’s a body part that seems foreign to them and this discomfort varies from one person to another.
In many cases, trans men are uncomfortable with their upper body parts while trans women it’s the lower body parts. Unlike what random internet videos of naked people are doing, most trans women do not like to use their natal anatomy. Some people adapt somewhat as they become more familiar with someone but I wouldn’t count on it.
If you cross their comfortable boundaries, you can quickly turn this person off. Because you do not have this body dysphoria, it might be a little difficult to understand but if a trans person you are dating tells you an area is off limits, it’s your responsibility to respect that even if this dashes the fantasy you were hoping for. You really only have two choices, you can either try doing something else or choose to date someone else who does not have this issue.
If you prefer dating trans people or have some fantasy regarding them, that’s ok but this can make it very easy to fall into a trap due to your opinions. At the end of the day, you must realize this person does not exist just to date you and give you some form of gratification. If you fall into the trap that it’s all about you, chances are they will run from you the moment they realize you are hung up on a fetish. The point is, you must see them as human beings who have their own wants, needs, and agendas. Just like dating anyone else, you need to understand and respect their needs because there is more to them then what you want or need. Unless you are dating someone who is only into an artificial relationship, you must take the time to get to know them. This relationship will also prepare you for the next trans person you will get together with.
If you date a trans person for any length of time, unless your trans person is someone who keeps their trans status a secret, people you know are going to find out and probably start judging you. Eventually, your partner is going to want to meet your family and friends. If you deny them, you will leave the impression that you are ashamed of this relationship.
Therefore, you must be prepared for the social downside of your relationship. The reaction could be minimal depending on where you live. In some cases, those who are not educated in trans dating might think you are gay because you are dating a trans person. If that’s the case, let them think what they want, why should you care? Being attracted to a trans person is simply a part of you and who you are, you should be proud of yourself.
Keep in mind, there are cultures around the world that could lead to severe consequences. In some cases, you will run the risk of being judged and ostracized just as the trans person you are dating and you might even put yourself in harm’s way. If you feel this could be the situation, you should take steps to protect yourself and the person you are dating. Just try to use clear thinking and do not become paranoid until you know there will be problems.
You should weigh your options but make sure you don’t fall into the trap of blaming the person you are dating should others find out and judge you. It’s not their fault so don’t throw them under the bus!
When you are dating a trans person, you might think their body is just perfect the way it is and you couldn’t possibly imagine they’d want to change anything. You might think telling them how fabulous they look might make them change their mind and not have surgery altogether! Only in fairy tales!
Rarely do things turn out that way. If you start pressuring the trans person you are dating into not changing the body they are not comfortable with, you could prevent them from going in a direction that is more accurate to who they are, even if you don’t know you are causing a problem for them.
As mentioned earlier, most trans people have body dysphoria which means most are looking to change their bodies in one way or another. If you have developed a relationship with someone and love them for more than their body, you have come a long way. If you can’t, then you must learn to let them go so they can move on to who they really are.
Keep one thought at the front of the line, dating a trans person is no different from dating anyone else. They are not going to understand you or know you better than anyone else. Don’t think they are just easier to get into bed than someone else, that’s just false. You might just be quite surprised to learn they are not what you thought but individuals.
Transgender people are just people! Treat them with respect and compassion as you would anyone else. If you follow some of this advice, you should have a lot of fun and be just fine!